


Lessons In Snark And Sex

by shiny_glor_chan



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Biting, Blow Jobs, Deepthroating, Episode: s03e01 Tattoo, Hand Jobs, Hickeys, Intercrural Sex, M/M, Marking, Multi, Rimming, Snark, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 17:53:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/852348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shiny_glor_chan/pseuds/shiny_glor_chan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Scott wakes up after passing out from the tattoo Derek burned onto his arm, he doesn't expect how the next hour or two goes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lessons In Snark And Sex

**Author's Note:**

  * For [heroinehunter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroinehunter/gifts).



> Happy Super Belated Birthday, Jai! :D Thank you to Kris for getting me to finish this fic today. XD First time writing my favorite kink (intercrural) and writing rimming, so be gentle. XD
> 
> Minor warning: Derek has a slight reminder of Kate, but it's minor, and he pushes it aside with no incident. Just warning in case of triggers, but it's a really minor mention.

_“Isaac's still passed out in the other room.”_

_“With all of Scott's howling? Seriously? ...okay, not amused by wolf jokes, but hey, you guys_ do _howl. Dial back the glare.”_

_“He's been drugged, Stiles.”_

_“So, it was by someone who knew what they were doing.”_

Scott blinks awake with a jolt, and Derek and Stiles turn to look at him. “Did it work?” he asks.

Derek motions to Scott's arm. “See for yourself.”

Scott grins when he sees the double bands around his upper arm. “Thanks,” he says.

“Don't let an open wound fester,” Derek says quietly, getting Scott's attention to move back to him.

“Dude, do you mean the tattoo, because gross,” Stiles speaks up, promptly getting ignored.

Scott shakes his head. “It's not.”

“You sure about that?” Derek questions. “There's a difference between waiting for something, and letting yourself dwell and missing out on your life.”

“Like you, you mean?” Scott questions with a sour look.

“Yes,” Derek replies succinctly. 

Stiles looks between them. “Maybe we should-”

“Didn't actually expect you to cop to it,” Scott says in surprise. “But I'm not you.”

Derek stares him down while Stiles steps back, expecting a fight in the near future. “Or maybe you are more like me than you know,” he states. “Tell me, Scott, you weren't lying about wanting the tattoo, but you wanted the hurt too, right?”

Scott takes a step forward, stepping into Derek's space defiantly. “Are you going to try and beat me up then? Are we back to that?”

“No, there are other ways to hurt,” Derek states, not at all impressed. “Or to feel like that, for that matter.”

“Do you get what he's saying, Scott?” Stiles asks from his new spot a few feet away, almost behind the couch.

Scott tilts his head ever so slightly, his nose twitching. “Yes, I think so, but why?”

Derek shrugs. “You liked getting the tattoo, but not because of the pain,” he says quietly enough that Stiles can't hear him. 

“So, you'll hold me down and...” Scott says just as quietly, trailing off and shaking his head. “How is it supposed to help?”

“You'll see,” Derek promises, closing the space between them so their chests are nearly touching. “Tell me to stop, and I will.”

Stiles throws his hands in there. “Not everyone has super werewolf hearing over here,” he says unhappily, but before he can say anything else, Derek grabs the back of Scott's head and smashes their lips together. “Oh my god! What the hell? I don't get how I missed this! That's not where that conversation was going! Speaking of going, I should just...be going. Yeah.”

As Stiles passes by his best friend and Derek lip locking, Derek's hand shoots out and grabs him by the shirt before he breaks away from Scott. “Stay,” he says with a smirk. “You can help me hold him down.”

Stiles's eyes widen as he stares at the two werewolves in front of him. “I think I've missed something here,” he states, looking at Scott like he's crazy.

Scott shrugs, his face flushing red. “It's...something,” he murmurs.

“That you aren't going to explain,” Stiles finishes as Scott flashes him a guilty smile. “So, why am I still here?”

Derek gives Stiles a steady look. “If you don't want to be here, you don't have to be,” he says. “Though, I was hoping you could keep Scott's mouth busy.”

Stiles blinks with his jaw hanging open before he licks his lips. “Busy how?” he asks stupidly.

Derek shrugs as he grabs Scott and drags him down to the floor. “You'll have to stay to find out.”

Scott huffs. “You're still not my alpha,” he states as he lets Derek control the situation. “Don't let this go to your head.”

Derek rolls his eyes as he motions Stiles to sit down by Scott's head, and he obeys warily. “See? He could definitely be using his mouth for something other than mouthing off. Stiles, you can help with that.”

Stiles stares at Derek who is busy divesting Scott of his shirt. “You're not my alpha either,” he mutters then looks down at Scott. “You okay with this, buddy?”

Scott wriggles out of his shirt then gives Stiles a reassuring smile. “It's not like I haven't seen your tiny dick before, dude,” he jokes.

“You're a fucker,” Stiles says with a scowl as he unzips pants and yanks down his boxer. “That's in the locker room, and I'm a grower, not a shower.”

Derek shakes his head as Scott snorts out a laugh. “Too bad we can't gag you too,” he mutters as he works on pulling down Scott's pants and boxers. “Maybe later.”

“With what?” Stiles asks as he strokes himself a bit. 

Scott snorts. “I think he means with his dick,” he replies cheekily as he takes off his tank top only to be pushed back onto the floor by Derek.

Stiles' rhythm on his dick stutters to a stop as his gaze falls to Derek's crotch, and he quickly looks back up with wide eyes. Derek doesn't roll his eyes, but it's a near thing as he grasps Scott's dick in a strong grip. Scott bites down a whimper.

“You've got to walk before you run,” Derek says, lightly pressing his thumbnail into the slit of Scott's dick. “Scott.”

Scott swallows thickly then turns his head to rest his cheek on Stiles' thigh. “Huh, you are a grower.”

“Dude, I think agree with Derek. You need to be gagged,” Stiles replies as Scott snorts then leans in to suck the head of Stiles' cock into his mouth. “Oh my _god_.”

Derek smirks as he lets go of Scott's dick, causing Scott to groan around Stiles'. “Shift onto your knees, Scott. Ass in the air.”

Scott twists away from Stiles and levels a glare at Derek for ordering him around. “This won't work if _someone_ doesn't dictate where this is going,” Derek reasons with a raised eyebrow. “Your mouth is full, and Stiles is a virgin.”

Stiles sputters. “Says who?” he asks petulantly.

Derek gives Stiles a 'really? are you kidding me?' look. He nudges Scott to his knees, and Scott complies with a huff and an eye roll before ducking his head back down to lick Stiles' cock. Stiles sighs happily and sags into it. 

Leaning down, Derek gives Scott a nice, long lick. Scott jumps in surprise but tries to hide it by sucking Stiles back into his mouth. Derek chuckles against his ass, planting his hands on either ass cheek to spread them wide. Scott squirms as Derek licks him again, but he doesn't stop this time.

“Dude, you're gonna give him such wicked stubble burn on his ass,” Stiles says, staring at the movement of Derek's head.

Derek lifts his head then gives Scott's ass a smack. “If he can still talk, you aren't blowing him well enough,” he says as Scott turns around, a bit scandalized.

“Kinda new at this part,” Scott mutters, but he takes that as a challenge all the same and takes most of Stiles' dick into his mouth and sucks, hard.

“Oh god,” Stiles stutters as he flops on his back, his head making a soft thunk sound on the floor. 

“Better,” Derek mutters, so only Scott can hear before he licks him again, prodding Scott's hole with his tongue.

Scott and Stiles groan simultaneously, Stiles' hips stuttering in aborted movements before Scott pulls off with an obscene pop. “You can fuck my mouth, man. I can handle it.”

“Scott,” Stiles moans, sitting up and swallowing hard. “You sure?”

Scott grins. “Yeah, I'm sure.”

Stiles licks his lips nervously as he shifts on to his knees, guiding his cock back into Scott's mouth. Scott moans as he takes Stiles as far into his throat as he can without choking and starts to build up a rhythm. His rhythm stutters every time Stiles jerks his hips forward too hard or when Derek starts to add sucking and biting alongside the licking. The spit drips to Scott's thighs. 

Scott rubs his thighs together unconsciously, and Derek bites his ass cheek, hard. “Stop squirming,” Derek warns as Scott chokes a little, and Stiles tries to pull away a bit. “Stiles, hold him still.”

“Are you sure that's-” Stiles begins, but Scott leans forward, taking Stiles' whole cock into his mouth again while looking up at Stiles through his lashes. “Okay, taking that as an enthusiastic- _yes_!”

Scott hums in his throat again, amused as Stiles bucks forward with his hands tangling gripping in Scott's hair. Derek smirks as Stiles' breath comes out in pants and breathy moans. He ducks down again and starts licking a path down one of Scott's thighs, and they tense and relax under his ministrations. 

“Scott, I'm...” Stiles tries to say while trying to find the air to finish his sentence, and he comes hard down Scott's throat before he can.

Scott chokes, but he swallows as much as possible before pulling off. He licks his lips and swallows thickly while Stiles leans over him to catch his breath. Scott pants alongside with him, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze as a sign that everything's fine.

With the boys catching their breath, the only sounds in the room are their breathing as the wet and slick sounds of Derek's tongue on Scott's thighs. “Derek,” Stiles starts once he's caught his breath, running a hand through Scott's hair without noticing, “why are all your clothes still on? A boner in those jeans can't be comfortable, especially with what I assume you're packing. Well, unless you're like shoving socks down there-”

Derek gives a rather vicious bite to Scott's thigh, and Scott quickly catches on and covers Stiles' mouth barely a second later. “Dude, that one _hurt_ ,” Scott whines.

“You liked it,” Derek says before soothing the bite mark with his tongue.

Stiles grumbles unhappily before licking Scott's hand messily. “Eww, dude, gross!” Scott exclaims as he pulls his hand away and wipes his hand spit slicked hand on Stiles' shirt.

“Scott, you just had my dick down your throat, _and_ you swallowed. How is spit the gross part of this equation?” he asks incredulously.

Scott flushes. “When Derek's is dripping down my ass,” he mutters, trying not to squirm.

Leaning over Scott, Stiles moves to get a better angle to see Derek. “Uh, yeah,” he murmurs as he stares at Scott's ass and Derek's mouth licking just below. “That is a bit obscene.”

Derek pulls away and finally pulls off his shirt; Stiles' stare shifts. “Uhhh, taking that back. We've just upped the obscene factor,” he says, his eyes trailing down Derek's chest. “Why were you wearing a shirt for that long, big guy?”

“Keeping you two in line is distracting,” Derek deadpans. “Happy, now?”

“I'm not,” Scott mutters under his breath, trying not to shift and just jerk himself off since his cock has been very neglected. “You stopped licking.”

“I'd be happier if I could lick your abs,” Stiles blurts out as Scott lets his head fall forward on his arm, decidedly not looking back.

Derek flinches ever so slightly, but Stiles doesn't notice. “No,” he growls before smacking Scott's ass. “Stop hiding your face.”

Scott turns back with a defiant glare as Stiles flails a bit. “Okay, no licking the abs,” he mutter then brightens up. “Take off your jeans, so I can lick lower?”

“Smooth,” Scott says as he gives up and reaches down to stroke himself, but Derek's hand grips his wrist before he can. “Hey!”

“Not yet,” Derek states, twisting Scott arm behind his back before glancing at Stiles. “I have to keep him in line. Take off my jeans for me, Stiles.”

Stiles looks at Derek skeptically. “Are you sure those come off? They look painted on...”

“They're not,” he replies before licking up the inside of one of Scott's thighs again.

Scott groans while Stiles reaches hesitantly for Derek's fly. He flicks open the button and pulls down the zip to reveal black boxer briefs beneath. Stiles licks his lips, running his hand over the wet spot over the head of Derek's cock. Derek bites back moan between Scott's thighs, and Stiles grins to himself. With newly found confidence, he yanks down Derek's briefs and jeans hard, letting them bunch and stop right below Derek's balls.

“Whoa,” Stiles says in awe. “Dude, you have a foreskin!”

Scott turns to see, but Derek pushes his head back down before rolling his eyes in Stiles' direction. “Yes, Stiles, I have a foreskin. Did you really think born werewolves could be circumcised?” he asks as fights off a shudder when Stiles rubs a finger along the foreskin.

“Uhh, porn never covered blow jobs with foreskin,” he admits, still running his fingers across it. “How does that even work?”

“Push it back,” Derek explains as Scott sneaks a look.

Stiles wraps his hand around Derek's cock and slides his hand down, bringing the foreskin down with it. “Oh,” he murmurs before leaning down to lick the head.

Derek hums his approval. “Get it real wet. I'll be fucking Scott's thighs soon.”

Scott groans. “So that's your plan,” he says, twisting to look back at Derek. “Will you touch my dick _then_?”

“Sure, but not until then,” Derek tells him with a smirk as Stiles blows him sloppily and rather enthusiastically.

Stiles licks up and down Derek's shaft, his fingers playing with the foreskin bunched at the base. He drools a lot and messily, but he figures that's better, even if porn doesn't seem to get this sloppy. When he sucks on the head, it pulls a moan from Derek's lips, and Derek quickly pulls Stiles off by his hair.

“ _Ow_ ,” Stiles grumbles, rubbing his head while Derek moves to knees behind Scott, sliding his dick between Scott's spit slicked thighs. “Rude. Pretty sure that's like _not_ part of blow job etiquette.”

Derek ignores the jibe and leans over Scott and bites his ear. “Close your thighs tight,” he says in Scott's ear, making Scott comply and shudder. “Hmm, I think I'll need both my hands to hold your hips. Ask Stiles to jerk you off.”

Scott opens his mouth, but Derek starts to move, and the only sound that escapes his lips is a whine. He buries his face in his arms as Derek's cock slides slickly between his thighs and hits just behind his balls. Scott tilts his head to the side to catch Stiles' eye.

“Stiles, lend me a hand?” he asks breathlessly, moving his hips back against Derek's thrusts.

Stiles chuckles as he reaches beneath him to grasp Scott's cock firmly. “That sounds like the start of a bad porno,” he says with a grin.

“We're kind of in the middle of one, dude,” Scott quips then groans when Stiles twists his hand just so. “Oh, just like that.”

Derek just leans in to suck on Scott's neck, nibbling a lot more gently than he did on his ass or thighs. “He masturbates a lot. I'm sure it translated well enough into hand jobs,” he states Stiles laughs.

“Derek's right, man,” Stiles says cheerfully before frowning and stopping mid-stroke. “Wait, how do you know that?”

“You smell like it,” Derek and Scott say at the same time, and Derek tightens his grip on Scott's hips, thrusting faster to ignore that they spoke in unison.

“Stiles,” Scott moans trying to thrust back against Derek while attempting fuck Stiles' hand. “Move your hand.”

“No need to get pushy,” Stiles replies, jerking Scott off again.

Scott squirms as his orgasm builds, and he knows Derek is close too. “C'mon, _alpha_ , come for me,” he whispers so only Derek can hear.

Derek growls, reaching down to let his hand give Scott's balls a pleasant squeeze. Scott's breath catches, and at the same time, Stiles twists his hand just so, making Scott come messily in his hand. Derek thrusts a few more times between Scott's thighs before he follows, painting Scott's thighs with his come.

Nipping his ear, Derek catches he breath against Scott's ear. “Good try,” he murmurs as he bites right under Scott's ear. “Don't do it again.”

Scott huffs. “You liked it,” he accuses as Derek moves away, so they can get up. “Ugh, I'm all sticky.”

“Sex tends to get sticky, Scott,” Derek states with an unabashed grin as he stands up, grabbing Scott's undershirt to wipe off his cock.

“Hey! I was planning to put that back on!” Scott says unhappily.

Derek tosses the tank top to Scott when he's done and tucks himself back in his briefs and jeans. “You have another shirt; you'll be fine,” he says with no remorse.

Scott rolls his eyes, but since his tank top is ruined anyway, he uses it to clean himself up. He pulls his boxers and pants back on before he offers his shirt to Stiles, but his hands are clean and he's more or less clothed again, if a little disheveled. Scott stares at his friend for a moment.

“Where did you wipe your hands?” Scott asks curiously as he reaches for his long sleeve shirt.

Stiles flushes. “I licked it clean?” he offers as Scott cringes, and Derek snorts. “Oh my god, Scott, you like _swallowed_ earlier.”

“Yeah, I didn't taste anything doing that,” Scott says, unconsciously rubbing his new tattoo under his shirt sleeve. “It can't taste good, man.”

“It wasn't bad,” Stiles replies sheepishly with a shrug before stepping into Scott's personal space. “Whoa, you have a ton of hickeys on your neck, man. Shouldn't those have healed by now?”

Scott twists his neck, trying to look then spots a broken mirror in the corner of the room. “What the hell!” he exclaims before turning around. “Derek!”

Derek shrugs innocently. “Wounds from an alpha, Scott,” he says with a smirk. “They'll heal just like any other hickey would.”

Scott curses while Stiles tries to hold in his laughter, but he's failing rather spectacularly. “Stiles, this isn't funny! My mom's going to see this!” he shouts unhappily.

“Well, you always say you want to feel like a normal teenager, right?” Stiles teases before succumbing to another fit of laughter. “Oh man, that means those bite marks from earlier are gonna be tender to sit on too.”

Scott just groans, and Stiles offers his hand for a high five to Derek, but he's ignored. “Oh, c'mon. I sucked your dick, and I don't even warrant a high five?” Stiles complains.

Derek rolls his eyes, but his ears twitch. “Isaac's awake,” he states then walks out of the room.

Stiles huffs. “That's some timing right there,” he mutters. 

“We should probably check on Isaac,” Scott says, rubbing his neck where the hickeys are.

“What are the chances he won't smell what we've been up to?” Stiles asks.

“Slim to none,” Scott replies as he gives Stiles a little shove. “Hopefully, he won't bring it up since Derek's his alpha.”

“Here's to hoping. I do not need him smirking at me,” Stiles says with a sigh.

Scott pats Stiles shoulder. “Don't worry, buddy. I don't think we'll have to worry about that today, at least,” he says as they leave the room together to go meet Derek and Isaac.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm [shiny_glor_chan](http://shiny-glor-chan.tumblr.com/) on tumblr, if you wanna follow me. And if you like my fics, I'm having a [fic giveaway](http://shiny-glor-chan.tumblr.com/post/53487348827/glorias-100th-follower-fic-giveaway) for hitting 100 followers.


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